Hot women have always seemed like a good thing, but I’m beginning to wonder if the resource is underutilized. You see, my Kim, who’s undeniably hot in general, has been experiencing hormonally induced thermal inversions of late. Granted, these are not uncommon among women of a certain maturity. But until a few days ago, my experience with them had been limited to watching her flush from across the table, or feeling the covers suddenly disappear in the middle of the night.

But this past weekend, Kim was flashing like a disco strobe at a Kool & the Gang revival concert. Friday evening, as I was finishing up my Sci-Fi TV shows, she went upstairs to get a head start on her sleep. When the show was over I headed up as well, to find her gently snoozing. As I was getting ready I leaned over to kiss her cheek about the time the covers came flying off. As I leaned in, the heat pouring off of her was palpable. I placed my hand a few inches off her shoulder, and it was like holding it over a low grill flame. I briefly entertained running down to the kitchen for a fork and a hot dog to roast myself up a little bedtime snack, but thought better of it and turned out the light. A few hours later, I awoke to find myself warm, uncomfortable, and sweaty. The room is always a pretty steady 64 degrees at night, especially when it was under 40 degrees outside. What was going on? I finally got up to go and check the thermostat, but as I left the room, the cool night air pleasantly chilled me. Walking back in the room, it was noticeably warmer in there. Unbelievable.

It was about this time that it dawned on me that while menopause has to be damned annoying for women, this was a heat source that should be put to better use. The country is searching for new and greener energy sources, and we are obviously overlooking a doozy. Geo-thermal? Try meno-thermal energy. Although, it’s probably asking too much to want for 40-something women to report for tours of duty at meno-thermal generating plants. Besides, who in their right mind would want to supervise such a group?

I think perhaps the answer lies in making the energy available without causing undue impediment on the women’s lives. Maybe some sort of unitard made of a heat transfer friendly (and stylish) fabric that would conduct the excess heat to a small thermoelectric transducer. From there, the electricity could power induction shoulder pads with little Velcro epaulets where you could park your cell phone for that quick midday charge. You could also draw the power off the suits through the seats to help energize subways, trolleys, and other public transportation. Maybe incorporate a pair of deely-boppers and turn the ladies into roving 4G hot spots to facilitate the Wi-MAX service roll out. The possibilities are endless.

But hey, I was too chicken to try a wiener roast on a sleeping menopausal woman who is not generally inclined to do me harm. I’m certainly not brave enough to take this proposal to the masses. So I’ll just leave it here as a fanciful lark. Should someone else patent this and get rich, I wish them well where ever the witness protection program relocates them to.