As if coming up on 50 and facing the inevitable colonoscopy wasn’t frightening enough, science will now offer alternative nightmare fodder. If the thought of having your innards chemically evacuated and subsequently snaked like a clogged drain doesn’t send you screaming into the night, now you can choose to instead swallow a spider. That is, a spider-cam.

Isn’t he cute? Just imagine his tiny little legs scuttling up and down your GI tract. His adorable 4-up headlights showing the doctor-cum-videogamer what you’re like on the inside. Next thing you know they’ll equip it with frickin’ lasers to zap the polyps, and of course by then, the interface will have scoring so the docs can compete with each other for high score.

Oh, the humanity…