Finally, an economic strategy that Americans can get behind… and in front of, and beside. It turns out that there are a whole slew of consumer goods that require redesigning because we’re getting… well, bigger. This extends from toilet seats to coffins to chairs and beds. None of these objects have historically been designed to handle the girth and weight of the typical person anymore. So there you go. Lots of new design jobs, manufacturing jobs, sales jobs, and of course we all need to buy all this new stuff so we can live comfortably and safely with our fat butts. This could be the economic stimulus we’ve been looking for. Not to mention, it’s a “sacrifice” we’re clearly willing to make.

Let’s get busy! We can start by grabbing some buns and mugs and heading to Utah where trucks are apparently just spilling burgers and beer on the highways. Whatever it takes. This is for our country.