And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from televisions everywhere, that all the world should be fed until bloated. And all went to be fed, everyone to his own city. And Tim also went up from Spencerport, out of the city called Ogden, into Webster, unto the city of Rochester to be fed with Kim his virtual wife, being great with children. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that they should be delivered unto Colleen’s house. And Colleen brought forth her feast of several meals, and wrapped Tim in lasagna potatoes, pork, and corn, and laid him on a couch; because there was no room for him in the dining room.
And there were in the same home relatives abiding in the family room, keeping watch over their hours dourves by night. And, lo, the angel of the Dessert Course came upon them, and the glory of the Cheesecake shone about them; and they were so afraid. And the angel said to them,
Fear not: for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born today in the city of Rochester a delicacy, which is Apple Pie. And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the confection wrapped in foil, lying in an oven.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly cookies praising Gluttony and saying
Glory to Cholesterol in the highest, and on earth piece (of pie), good leftovers towards men.
And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into the neighbors, the family said to one another,
Let us go even unto Webster, and see this thing that has come to represent our expansive bellies, which the dinner has made grown to us.
And they came with haste, and found, Kim, Tim and the girls in a food coma. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this joyous travesty. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the family. But Tim kept all these things, and pondered them in his swollen gullet. And the family returned, glorifying and praising Gluttony for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.
The Gospel according to St. Puke Chapter 2 verses 1-20.