Every now and again, I get the urge to be Cledus T. Judd. Not many people would claim that publically, or that they love parody songs. But I do, and this one was just itchin to get out of my brain. And Cledus – if your out there – copyrights man, and royalties would be nice.

Cheese (with apologies to Montgomery Gentry’s song “Speed”)


I’m tired of yearning for cheese,

I need to find a place with a deli if you please,

And I need to get there pretty quick,

Hey mister whatcha got behind the counter

You can sell me in a pinch.

Maybe one of them yummy sorts of Jack,

The kind that makes your head spin like you’re snortin’ crack,

Flavor don’t matter yeah I’ll even take some Brie,

All that really concerns me, is


How much will it cost,

Can you get me,

Some Munster quickly,

I love it sickly,

Til it flows out of my ears,

Yeah what I really need,

Is a loaf of bread, and a whole lotta


I’d like to make a grilled cheese,

Cause it makes me warm inside,

And brings me to my knees,

See it’s the first meal since my lunch,

Where I only had some curds,

And some Doodles on the lawn,

But now that’s gone, and I need to eat on (give me)


How fast will it melt,

Can you get me,

Some slices quickly,

Oh I’m so hungry,

Can I butter my own bread,

Yeah what I really need

Is a fryin’ pan, and a whole lotta


Turn on the flame so I can make the griddle sizzle,

Peel off the plastic wrap, and slice it thick and full,

Let me lean on that gas, she melts so fast (yeah)


How fast can I eat,

Oh you’ll never see,

Leftover chunks of cheese,

Mice don’t bother me,

I never drop a little crumb,

Yeah what I really need,

Is a heart by-pass, and a whole lotta


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