And nothing says, “You’re the greatest!” like a planned coronary.  So don’t delay.  Enter now to win your dad $5000 and a year’s supply of bacon, courtesy of Oscar Meyer.

And when I say “your dad” I’m speaking not only generally to the readers, but specifically to my kids.  Come on, entry is through Facebook and only involves writing a 50 word statement about why I deserve this and why I love bacon.  This is barely a typical homework assignment.  And besides, you know I never eat bacon alone, so there’s an upside for you too.

After all, as the entry page says,

Like bacon at breakfast, Dads are an essential ingredient of the family.

Meaning we are something to look forward to, multi-purpose, irresistible, crunchy, possessing a bit to much fat around the edges, flammable, and ultimately a bad influence on you.  Okay, maybe I should have quit while I was ahead.  But you get the idea!  Now get moving!