I somehow suspect that while the side hug is positioned as universally appealing to Christians, many followers of Christ will still prefer the scandalous “full frontal hug”. The horror!

It’s not clear just how terrified you need to be about your body, your feelings, or you inability to control them that this begins to seem like a prudent path. For those who embrace the side hug, wrapping your arms around a friend joins the company of kisses, hand holding, and other gateways to premarital sex. And don’t even think about dancing. (Oh wait, Kevin Bacon showed us back in 1984 that dancing was just harmless fun, so that’s okay.)

I have visions of a soldier overseas dreaming of returning to his girl, yearning to feel her one shoulder nestled in his arm pit again.

Can you even imagine what a theoretical ideal wedding night has to be like for two good Christians who up until that point have only shared a firm side hug, replete with 3 or 4 blessing pats?

I’m certainly not advocating for teen sex, but I am advocating for teaching kids self-control rather than fear and avoidance.

Still, if the side hug appeals to you and want to get your kids hooked on it, there’s a rap song for that. Good luck getting them to download this to their iPod.