Public health expert Dr. Nathan Grills believes Santa sets a bad example. Grills contends the old salt promotes obesity, speeding, drunk driving, and unsanitary practices what with all that nose touching and all. I guess dedication, charity, and compassion don’t count for much anymore.

This advice comes just in time, because young children are impressionable, and they all want to grow up to be Santa, right? I remember as a lad myself, dreaming of being dressed all in red, eating countless cookies, and hoping that someday I could freeze my nuggets off at the North Pole slaving away to make toys for all the little kiddies all year. Seriously, have you ever met anyone that wanted to grow up to be Santa?

Further, at some point results have to count for something. He may carry a few extra pounds, but he’s been alive for 100’s of years and it doesn’t seem to be slowing him down any. And who knows how alcohol effects him, but regardless I’ve never heard of a single Christmas Eve sleigh collision. Heck, the guy never even scuffs a roof shingle! Who wouldn’t want his safety record? And I know many who wish they could sneak into their house a little tipsy and be as quiet as he is. So whatever he’s doin’, it’s workin’ for him.

So Dr. Grills, maybe you could just go back and worry about flu infected students washing their hands or something and leave the poor guy alone.