Professor Tony Cassidy, from the University of Ulster conducted a study showing that having a sister makes you happier and more optimistic. This clearly explains my cheery outlook on life and why I could never relate to Eeyore’s gloom and doom outlook. Yup, that’s me, the world is all just frickin’ sunshine and roses.

But Cassidy wasn’t content to stop there. He went on to note that growing up with at least one girl in the family also makes people more able to cope with their problems. So not only am I the gul-derned bluebird of bloody happiness, I’m balanced and well adjusted to boot?

I’m calling my mother. Clearly my little sister is defective, and I think Mom should see if there have been any recall notices or anything.