I don’t usually read Dear Abbey, but it’s on the same page of the paper as my daily Dilbert fix, and the headline just caught my eye.

THONGS PRAISED AND PANNED BY MEN RESPONDING TO POLL

Now being a man of the red-blooded American variety, my initial thought was that this was a discussion about whether or not men liked thongs on their women. To which the general answer is, “Yes, of course!” However, as you broaden the question to consider whether or not you want to think about your teenage daughter or your mom wearing a thong, you can begin to see why the poll would have resulted in some men saying they were not in favor of the next-to-nothing delicates.

But imagine my horror (or click through the link and be horrified yourself) at discovering that the topic was actually whether or not men should wear thongs. This was not a question I had even considered debatable. I have always been confident and comfortable that the answer was “no.” (Can I get an “Amen” ladies?) With the possible exception of those few men who moonlight as Chippendale’s dancers and maybe anyone wearing ass-less chaps in the gay pride parade, this is not considered a suitable male undergarment. Not in the bedroom, and certainly not under your Armani suit or your blue jeans. Go commando if you feel the need, but thongs? I don’t think so. The question is, “Boxers or briefs?” To which the answer may be one, the other, or neither. There is no write-in category. Period.

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