Some ask, "Why not?"

…which may be creative of them and all, but it still leaves the rest of us scratching our… let’s go with “heads”… and asking, “Why?” Apparently, Johnny Henry of Laurel, Mississippi is one such why-notter. He asked, “Why shouldn’t a toilet seat vibrate?”

Now this is most often the sort of question asked after way too much beer. What follows is that you and your buddies spend the time until last call planning to create the next iPod-like craze with your Shaky Shimmy Sitter (say that three times fast, I dare you). It might even involve a few hasty sketches on bar napkins. And will likely involve several market research studies, mostly involving waitresses who listen patiently and smile because they know that groups of hammered guys are bad at math and often leave inadvertently large tips.

This is all harmless fun. You will eventually go home, forgetting to take the bar napkins. You will wake up with a vague notion of excitement on your face which your significant other will want an explanation for. You will try mightily to explain why vibrating toilet seats will revolutionize the way she pees, but by the light of day this sounds way more ridiculous than you remember from the previous night. Satisfied that while she might be in love with a moron, at least you’re a faithful moron, she will roll her eyes and walk from the room. That should be the end of it.

But amazingly, Mr. Henry got this harebrained idea sober, and actually brought it to fruition. He was so proud of this notion he took it to an Inventor’s Conference , where astonishingly, no one bought it from him. There’s no mention of his wife in the article. One suspects she’s currently in the hospital having her eyes surgically unrolled from her head. Or perhaps she’s in hiding. Or maybe she’s even fictional… or inflatable. But I’ll bet she vibrates.

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