The Dangers of Drinking

Beer is apparently a much more dangerous beverage than I was previously aware.

From Florida, we have a report of a man who was seriously injured when a beer can fell on him. It must have been quite a sizable can as even his wife reports in the suit that she “has in the past and will in the future suffer the loss of the value of her husband’s services, society, companionship and consortium by reason of his injuries.” One would think she was more likely to suffer those things had he successfully purchased the Schlitz Malt Liquor, but this is a court document so it must be true. The lesson here is clearly to never buy 4-packs or other small packages of beer. They store those high on the shelf. Whereas cases are always on the floor, hence being much less prone to falling on you.

But if hurting yourself wasn’t bad enough, there’s also a report citing that beer drinkers are destroying the planet. It seems that “beer fridges” are being identified as the SUVs of the appliance world. I’m doing my part though to reduce the carbon footprint of my vices. There’s no beer fridge here… unless you count the one in the kitchen… but I keep mustard and bologna and other essentials in there too, so that doesn’t qualify, does it?

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