I opened my mailbox this evening and thumbing through the junk I came upon a glossy flyer that caught my eye. There was a close-up picture of two pair of entwined bare feet sticked out from the covers on the end of a bed. Across the top was just a web address: puresexneeded.com My initial thought was, “Oh no, what sort of mailing list have I managed to get onto?”

Flipping the flyer over I was more than a little surprised to find that this was an invitation to church. Specifically, it said:

Sex wasn’t invented in a dark alley behind a porn shop. It was created by God to be enjoyed appropriately. You may be surprised to know that the Bible is open and frank about sexual matters. And this may even shock you: God wants you to have great sex!

Are you ready for a church that actually presents relevant everyday topics about life? What is more relevant than a talk about sex? At Lakeshore Community Church, we’re going to talk about sex for five weeks in the series “Pure Sex”. We’ll ask questions and begin to unravel the myths and confusion on this vital topic. The messages will make an impact in your life. In addition to messages, you’ll experience dramatic presentations, dynamic multimedia and upbeat music that rocks from our band. Leave the No-Doze at home.

To be honest, I’d never even thought about the idea of sex having been invented. But since I’m probably too late to get a patent on it, I suppose it really doesn’t matter much. And I have to wonder if Cal Thomas knows that God wants me to have great sex. I suspect he wants Cal to have great sex too, or even any at all as it might loosen his shorts just a notch. But I digress.

I can’t help but think that this church is just one goal short of the hat-trick. They’ve got Sex and Rock-n-Roll already. If they just got together with the Bong Hits for Jesus kid, they’d pack the place to the rafters every Sunday.