The local school district informed me this morning that a new district policy had been put in place. Further, if I was to volunteer to chaperon my son’s upcoming field trip to Darien Lake, I would first be required to take a one-hour mandatory volunteer training course.

I was shocked. After all, I have been volunteering in this district for 9 years. I’ve organized and judged science fairs, chaperoned a previous trip to Albany, conducted classroom demos and workshops, etc. Hell, I’m scheduled to spend tomorrow afternoon teaching 6th Graders to program Lego Mindstorm robots. But I never stopped to think that I was completely untrained for this. I thoughtlessly never considered the risk that I was taking with the well being of the little lives and minds in my temporary charge. After all, there’s no way that 13 years of parenting, and 4-plus decades on the planet punctuated with stints of coaching kids and teaching adults has in any way prepared me for the task of supervising 6th Graders on a trip to a local amusement park. Hell, I took 4 kids to Orlando in February. What was I thinking? I wasn’t trained for that!! They might be scarred for life!

I can hardly wait for this engaging and informative seminar that will finally qualify me to be in charge of children. I expect we’ll learn things like:

  • Bus Safety – “never use children for wheel chocks”
  • Zero Tolerance – “never share your beer with kids while on school property”
  • Classroom Control – “sometimes a stern word can be as effective as a nuclear dope slap”
  • Respect for Authority – “don’t let the kids cajole you into spit-balling the teachers”
  • Tort Law – “if the district is ever sued for your behavior, swear they trained you not to do that”

This is gonna be sooooooo exciting…

3 thoughts on “Pin-headed Bureaucrats

  1. Your job here must be very demanding since you have free time in the middle of the day to post to your intellectual vacuum of a blog!

  2. Ummm… since you said “your job here”, we presumably share an employer. The same one who allows you to read and post comments to blogs in the middle of the day.

  3. Touche. Perhaps that would explain the impressive results for the past Quarter. Better update your resume and prepare to actually work for a living.

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