Dress Protocol

I faced a bit of a conundrum this morning. Anyone who would care to offer advice on handling this delicate situation is welcome.

As I exited my truck to walk into work, I noticed a woman a few cars down who was also headed into the building. She was walking 10-15 feet in front of me, not wearing a jacket of any sort, and her rear-zipper dress was visibly unzipped from her neck by a good foot. It looked very much as if she had zipped it as far as she could the one way, and either forgot to reach around the other way to finish zipping, or couldn’t and perhaps didn’t have anyone around at home to ask, “Could you zip me up?”

So I began to ponder, would it be gentlemanly to offer to zip her up, or would that just be perceived as some rude creepy strange guy in the parking lot?

I wondered if she even knew the dress was open, but as we walked, the fabric near her neck was flapping in the breeze and her hair seemed to keep catching on it. She had to be aware of her wardrobe situation. So maybe she really did need help. She wasn’t a small woman, and the logistics of her reaching to grab the zipper to finish the job might well have proved more than a little daunting. Maybe she just lived alone, or Hubby had already left for work, and this was as far as she could get it. I did think that in that case, many women might have opted for a different outfit for the day – or maybe just a jacket to cover the problem until you could get to one of your girlfriends in the office. The possibilities just seemed to keep multiplying.

I then began to wonder if this was actually some sort of new fashion thing. Maybe she wanted it like that. And finally, given her size and how tight the dress was, I wondered if maybe that was as far as the zipper could go without risking catastrophic failure. This was rapidly escalating from a minor morning misstep to a major fashion emergency.

Gratefully, we were now approaching the building. So I opened the door for her, and quickly lost her in the crowd of commuters. The opportunity to be perceived as helpful seemed fleetingly small. I judged myself to be off the hook. In moments she would be someone else’s conundrum. In the mean time, several dozen of us are aware that there was a partially dressed woman coming into the building this morning. And presumably, she knows we know.

Was she embarrassed? Was she hoping for help? Was this some hidden camera 20/20 special to see how long you could walk around with an undone zipper while your co-workers ignored you? Was she just oblivious? Will she be embarrassed at lunch when she realizes she’s been walking around half a day that way?

I don’t know. I won’t know. But I will offer that frequently it’s not that guys are thoughtless or not observant. But oft-times we’re just scared into inaction.

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