Today was a day full of lessons. Most of which were learned in the minutes immediately following the realization that the zipper in my pants had suffered catastrophic failure. <\/p>\n
But first, the setup. It had been a reasonably hectic day at work, but not the sort of chaos one would expect to put any sort of undue strain on one’s pants. I fly a keyboard for a living. The stress is high between the ears, but below the belt… not so much. So it came as a surprise when I turned to leave the discussion I was having with two of the women I work with and felt a mild breeze in a place where breezes are not so common. A glance down confirmed my fear. My fly was open. Then, the discovery that the fly was not simply open, but broken. Then the thought that the women I had just been talking to were sitting, and I was standing. (You do the math.) <\/p>\n
Now I have no idea exactly how long I’d been catching wind down there. But I reasoned that since the ladies hadn’t giggled, pointed, turned red, or looked like they were trying not to notice, that it probably was pretty recent. But I can’t be sure. Does Hallmark make a card for that? “Gee I’m sorry if I embarrassed myself and made you uncomfortable with my flapping fly – unless of course I didn’t.” I guess the reality is that I’ll never know. <\/p>\n
Anyway, the lessons I learned:
– wardrobe malfunctions are a compelling reason to leave work early
– there is no inconspicuous way to manually hold your fly closed as you walk
– do not buy cheap pants at WalMart
– and most importantly… always wear underwear – always.<\/p>\n