{"id":3583,"date":"2011-05-26T14:34:50","date_gmt":"2011-05-26T18:34:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/?p=3583"},"modified":"2011-05-26T14:34:50","modified_gmt":"2011-05-26T18:34:50","slug":"losing-weight-withcaffeine-laced-pants-your-butt-still-looks-enormous","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/2011\/05\/losing-weight-withcaffeine-laced-pants-your-butt-still-looks-enormous.html","title":{"rendered":"Losing weight with caffeine-laced pants: Your butt still looks enormous"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.hydroponicsonline.com\/store\/LYTESS-LEGGINGS-SLIMMING-LEGGINGS-WITH-CAFFEINE-SML-MED_260675148450.html\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright\" title=\"Caffeine Pants\" src=\"http:\/\/www.hydroponicsonline.com\/store\/img-hydroponics\/lytess-leggings-slimming-leggings-with-caffeine-sml-med_260675148450.jpg\" alt=\"Caffeine Pants\" width=\"258\" height=\"400\" \/><\/a>There is apparently no end to the amount of money people will spend to convince themselves they are doing something about their weight.\u00a0 Witness, <a title=\"Buy Caffeine Pants\" href=\"http:\/\/www.barenecessities.com\/lytess-slimming-active-wear-leggings-pf00308a_product.htm?pf_id=LytessPF00308A\" target=\"_blank\">leggings<\/a> with impregnated caffeine micro-capsules, designed to slim inches off your hips and thighs.<\/p>\n<p>The marketing premise is that the micro-capsules are essentially made of Shea-butter with a metabolism boosting caffeine center.\u00a0 As you walk around during the day, (<em>Wait! you still have to walk?<\/em>) your natural body heat melts the Shea butter which is absorbed into your skin along with the caffeine.\u00a0 The result being that you&#8217;re then delightfully jittery with smooth supple legs.\u00a0 Or maybe your cottage cheese riddled butt is now just sloshing around inside greasy skin tight pants all day.\u00a0 I report, you decide.<\/p>\n<p>These puppies will set you back $70, and according to the instructions should be worn 8 hours\/day, 5 days\/week , for a month to get the full benefit.\u00a0 This means you&#8217;ll need several pair, or you&#8217;re gonna work up a funk by month&#8217;s end that will make your weight problems the least of your anti-social attributes.\u00a0 <a title=\"There's a sucker born every minute\" href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/There%27s_a_sucker_born_every_minute\" target=\"_blank\">P.T. Barnum was right<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, don&#8217;t get me wrong, the notion of clothes with built in aerobic benefit is brilliant.\u00a0 But rather than caffeine, they should have gone with &#8220;<a title=\"AITP Game\" href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Ants-in-the-Pants-Games\/dp\/B00000IWDQ\" target=\"_blank\">Ants in the Pants<\/a>&#8220;.\u00a0 Let&#8217;s be honest, you get a few dozen creepy-crawlies toolin&#8217; around your tuckus and you will be out of your chair and dancing in no time.\u00a0 Feel the burn.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The notion of clothes with built in aerobic benefit is brilliant.  But rather than caffeine, they should have gone with ants in the pants.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,5,9],"tags":[126,107],"class_list":["post-3583","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-justforfun","category-madscience","category-xx-xy","tag-gullible-people","tag-odd-tech"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3583","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3583"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3583\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3587,"href":"https:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3583\/revisions\/3587"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3583"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3583"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3583"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}