{"id":1542,"date":"2010-02-24T07:03:00","date_gmt":"2010-02-24T12:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nicholsclan.com\/tinblog\/?p=1542"},"modified":"2010-02-23T08:31:34","modified_gmt":"2010-02-23T13:31:34","slug":"dogs-of-hell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/timscogitorium.com\/tinblog\/2010\/02\/dogs-of-hell.html","title":{"rendered":"Dogs of Hell"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Hot<\/a>This is America dammit.\u00a0 A place where we tackle the big issues and let the small stuff take care of itself.\u00a0 That’s why in an effort to save the children we are not focusing on trivial stuff like poverty, healthcare, and schools.\u00a0 Nope, we’re going after the real threat to future generations… hot dogs<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Yes, the venerable all American wiener is at the heart of the country’s greatest threat to kids: obesity<\/span> nutrition<\/span> ketchup allergies<\/span> choking.\u00a0 Wait… what?<\/em><\/p>\n

That’s right, mom’s throughout the nation are unwittingly stuffing pork filled corks down their children’s throats, and the Academy of American Pediatrics thinks it’s high time the carnage stops.\u00a0 Minimally they are calling for warning labels on hot dogs.\u00a0 But ideally, it would be safer for all if the shape changed.\u00a0 Dr. Gary Smith, immediate-past chairman of the AAP, was quoted as saying:<\/p>\n

“Any food that has a cylindrical or round shape poses a risk, but hot dogs were high on the list of foods that could be redesigned — perhaps the shape, although it would be up to the manufacturers to figure out the specifics.”<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I’m thinking a nice square edged bar-shaped dog would be perfect.\u00a0 Not only would the sharp angles prevent the complete sealing of the unfortunately cylindrically shaped throat.\u00a0 But square dogs would provide more surface area for condiments and a natural space between the dog and the bun to stuff them so dogs with the works wouldn’t be so top-loaded.\u00a0 Further, the square edges would grip the buns and prevent that annoying tendency of the dog to squeeze out the top of the roll.\u00a0 And they wouldn’t roll off the grill or the plate anymore!\u00a0 They could be stacked like lumber rather than cord wood.\u00a0 The advantages are apparently endless.<\/p>\n

So waste no time.\u00a0 Write your Congressman to support legislation requiring the redesign of the hot dog.\u00a0 If Congress won’t listen, then let’s get Glenn Beck behind it.\u00a0 Nobody can play up a threat to America like he can.\u00a0 For mercy’s sake, at least join a Facebook group supporting the cause.<\/p>\n

After all, it’s for the children.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is America dammit.\u00a0 A place where we tackle the big issues and let the small stuff take care of<\/p>\n

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