Well, what the Spanish lack in airport securlty, the Irish make up for. This morning, I endured the most thorough carry-on search ever. Every bit of my laptop bag was extracted. Every device had to be turned on. Every notebook riffled through. Then when she was done, she individually swabbed everything for explosive residue. Good thing we weren’t running late for the flight! In the end, I’m sure it was for the best. She did confiscate a tiny 1″x 1/2″ multi-tool. In the wrong hands this could easily have been used to puncture a seat cover. We’re all a bit safer now.

I’m considering a plot for a made-for-TV movle. The plane experiences mid-flight mechanical problems. The dashing young pilot is worried he’ll lose the plane. Right after the touching flashback where he thinks about his beautiful bride and the baby he’ll never see born, the haggared old vetran in the tower radios up the solution. Just remove that panel and cross-connect those wires. And this is where the tension builds. The camera zooms in on the panel, and to everyone’s horror, it’s affixed by two (key dramatic music) screws.

With nary a nail clipper on board, the flight attendants scour the cabin begging passengers for anything small and sturdy enough to remove the fasteners.

Meanwhile, the plane wanders near restricted air space, and Dick Cheny orders it shot down.

Oh, and there should probably be a small child on board who is awaiting an organ transplant.