Me wee deckhand is doin’ his right best to display his pirattude. But at a mere 11 yars, it’s tough to cough up the raspy gruff of a salty sea dog. Not that this is slowin’ ‘im down a’tall. It would seem that with a plentitude of air, one can get the wee’est of voiceboxes to shiver its timbers.

The effect is a might startlin’ though. In part ’cause the volume of his “Arrrg” makes me portholes rattle. But mostly ’cause the tone lacks the fear inducin’ revenge-is-a-dish-best-served-cold timbre. It’s more of a just-cut-me-damned-fingers-off-with-me-own-cutlass cry of agony.

But despite the pain he inflicts on those in earshot, we can’t discourage the lad. His heart’s in the right place. And bein’ a pirate is all about heart, and bein’ true t’ yer own. Sail on me lad. Sail on.

At long last it be Talk Like a Pirate Day. If’in ya don’t know the lingo, you should be clickin’ here fer an edumacashunal video.

And if ya be needin’ a good pirate name…

Now go slosh some rum in yer gullet, fetch yer saucy wench, and set to plunderin’ the neighborhood!

In response to the Pope’s refusal to apologize for quoting an obscure 15th century Byzantine emperor who noted that Islam codified violence as part of its doctrine, Muslims are now attacking churches and have threatened to bomb the Vatican. Apparently the bombings will continue until the Pope apologizes for the statement and publicly asserts that Islam is a religion of peace. This bears tangential similarity to the Neo-Con strategy of bombing Iraq into tranquility.

All of which leads me to wonder if future historians will label this “The Age of Irony.” Contingent, of course, on the actual existence of the future.

Arrrrg me mateys! Next Tuesday (9/19) be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Don’t be caught wid yer dabloons down!

Also be given some cogitation to grabbin a pint or two of yer best ale and watchin’ the Wench Swap episode of ABC’s Wife Swap on Monday, 9/18. TLAP’s own Ol’ Chumbucket and Mad Sally apparently subjected some loafer wearin’ landlubbers to some sea farin’ pirattude. Foller the link above to read Mad Sally’s blog. I know, I know. Watchin’ Wife Swap dudn’t sound too piratish, but we gotta support the crew. Besides, Two and a Half Men is still in reruns.

As most of you know, Bill Gates is poised to foist the new Vista operating system on us at the end of this year. — Probably — Like all preceding Microsoft OS releases, this one has been delayed several times, and may well be again. But it will ship eventually. And then we’ll wait and wait for the suckers, ummm… “early adopters”, to debug the thing. Then Microsoft will release Service Pack 1 to fix all the really scary bugs. Then the rest of us can upgrade. So we’re pretty safe until deep into 2008.

In the meantime, we can chuckle along with the Latvians. Apparently, “Vista” means “fowl” in Latvia. And while Bill Gates does vaguely resemble a chicken, he’s no Frank Purdue. More importantly, “Vista” is also slang for “frumpy woman”, which isn’t an entirely disingenuous description of most of Microsoft’s products. And it would seem that not a lot of funny things happen in Latvia, so they are really yukking it up over this one.

Personally, I’m pushing for adopting the slang term in English. Wouldn’t you really like to say, “Oh yeah, she’s a real vista.” Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. It has a nice ring to it. Unless it’s ringing for you I suppose.