Anatomy of a Sandwich

So last night was kind of a rush job with trying to get the kids to swim practice. When that happens, I’m prone to fast food as it at least gives me a little time to talk with the kids. Lately they’ve been into Subway which seems a way better choice than Mickey D’s. And they like it better than the local sub shops because they can get black olives on their sandwiches.

Okay, that’s the set up. Now I’m not a frequent Subway customer, but they’ve now opened up a shop here in town, so we’ve been a few times. I’ve thought in the past that the sandwiches were a little lean. Last night I paid attention to the construction. I ordered a 12″ turkey and cheese. On the roll, the girl carefully places exactly four carefully folded slices of turkey. On the opposite side she places three half slices of cheese.

Let’s do the math on that. The roll’s about 3″ wide. That’s 36 sq. inches of sandwich potential. The turkey roll was about 4″. That makes a half slice (1 slice folded) about 6.3 sq. inches. Four of those yield 25.1 square inches of coverage on my 36 inch roll. The cheese was worse. Only about 19 sq. inches of coverage.

Now I know I’m a bit picky about my sandwiches, but you don’t have to be a sandwich scientist to know that the meat and cheese should at least provide complete coverage on the roll. We can quibble about the depth, but it is just wrong when some bites are only bread. I’m not that much of a humanitarian. I want to know that some turkeys were injured in the production of my sandwich.

I’m beginning to understand why Jared is so damn thin. I wrote to Subway about this. I’ll let you know how they respond.


It’s no surprise that Condi Rice was asked to replace Colin Powell. But please tell me I’m not the only one who’s scared. Ashcroft was no loss, but both cabinet replacements (Gonzalez and Rice) are long term Bush insiders. Their track records show they are both consummate “yes men”. Inconceivably, Bush is managing to further insulate himself from dissenting opinion and frankly, reality.

Powell often clashed with Rumsfeld and Cheney in the war cabinet. The White House has said they are optimistic that Rice’s appointment will end that sparring. Hello? This is a good thing? So now the military and foreign policy brain trust is Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, and Rice? We are sooooo screwed.

The Great American Bottle Drive

I’m sitting here at my kids’ swim practice bemoaning the loss of the charity bottle drive. Not that this was one of the greater American institutions, but in its current incarnation the name is clearly an anachronism.

I recall a few bottle drives from when I was a kid. Saturday afternoons rummaging through people’s garages. Fighting bees for bottles and loading them into the truck to haul them to the store. At the end of the day your organization had a few extra dollars, and your dad had a pick-up bed full of soda-syrup sticky 11-year olds who smelled of stale beer and B.O. The point being, there was sweat equity in the fundraising.

A few years ago, I noticed groups setting up drop-off sites where people could clean out their own garages. At least the kids still hauled the bottles to the store.

More recently, groups would ask that you haul your own bottles to the store and the kids collected the bottle machine receipt tapes to redeem for cash. I suppose there was always the risk of a paper cut, and the kids did have to go all the way to the store for the money.

But now we’ve taken the final step. On the swim team’s bulletin board is a flyer announcing the bottle drive. The instructions are to take your bottles back, get the money, and send it in. Maybe I’m missing something, but what exactly makes this a bottle drive? And how are the kids involved? Isn’t this really just a “bring us cash” drive? With this basic premise you could hold an EBay Drive. Sell stuff you don’t need on the internet, bring us the cash. Or why not get more to the point with a Scrounge Around in Your Couch for Change Drive. The really progressive groups will probably just hold a Checking Account Drive.

Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I think there was value in the kids having to earn the money. They felt more invested in their groups. Somewhere we’ve lost that, and I think as a society we’re poorer for that.

Besides, my dad has a basement chock full of bottles and a soft spot for kids’ causes.

For Consideration…

Admittedly, this is an option I overlooked.

You’ve got to admit, it has a certain appeal. Canada would certainly benefit from the economic power the coasts bring to the table. And residents of Jesusland would never miss it anyway as they don’t seem to care much about being employed or having health care as long as nobody gets killed what didn’t need it, and them faggots go back in the closet where they belong. In their evangelical arrogance, they’d probably bid us good riddance. At least until they get done converting the Middle East to God-fearin’ Christians and turn their gunsights north. But that’ll take ’em a while.