“Be Prepared” may be the motto of the Boy Scouts, but the girl in this video shows that she deserves a merit badge for ingenuity, and maybe a traffic ticket to boot. Still, you have to admire someone who’s just not willing to accept that there’s no place to park. Undeterred, she carries supplies in her car to construct a “legal” parking spot wherever she happens to need to be. I only hope she’s currently working on a system to automatically deploy this system out the back of her car. That would be way cool.
Archive for the ‘Just for Fun’ category
Roll Your Own
June 13th, 2010I Taut I Taw a Putty-Tat
June 10th, 2010
In the “go figure” pile we find news that big cats have an obsession for Obsession. It seems the Bronx Zoo stumbled on the fact that the felines just can’t seem to get enough of the Calvin Klein fragrance. On a whole, they’ll spend longer savoring that scent than they will a meal.
The effect is so profound that wildlife photographers have taken to using the cologne to lure the cats out for their cameras.
How does this matter to you? Well, you might want to think about what you’re spritzing yourself with prior to heading out on that safari or even on a trip to the zoo. Then again, if you’re trying to attract a cougar…
We’re Domed!
June 9th, 2010
This picture answers the question, “What building in Washington is stuffed with boobs?”
She looks a little like a political superhero of sorts. Tune in next week for more adventures with Capitol Girl!
She doesn’t look happy, but then I’m betting you wouldn’t want to be associated with Congress either.
Ever feel like Congress just won’t stop sucking your teat?
Madonna called. She’s horrified.
Okay, I’m done. Add your own in the comments.
Whack the Toad
June 8th, 2010
Sounds like a new pop music group, or maybe a a euphemism for… oh well, just use your imagination. But no, instead it’s a vacation plan! Guess where we’re going this year kids?
Australia is over run with cane toads, and their mitigation strategy is to have tourists pay to come and scour the outback with cricket bats, making toad mash of the critters. Ewww. What fun!
Apparently the toads were intentionally introduced to the continent in an attempt to control cane beetles. Now the toads and the beetles are both thriving nicely, but wreaking havoc on the environment as there are no natural predators… except you. Only you can prevent cane toads.
Everybody goes to Six Flags for vacation. Give your kid something interesting to talk about at school in the fall. There’s nothing like the feeling of toad-flesh under your boot heel. The fresh squish of success. The down under version of Shock and Awwww.
Make your plans today!
Ode to Chicken
June 7th, 2010This is one kid who is not afraid to express his love of chicken. He is proudly and unabashedly willing to break into your car to get it. He will beat you up if you try to stop him. In the meantime he will reinforce every negative stereotype of African Americans. Oh, and he is so much cooler than you. Right down to the hat that’s on backward and is crooked; not to mention the wife-beater tee. His parent’s must be so proud.
Crime Doesn’t Pay
June 3rd, 2010
The crime rate in NY State has been unexpectedly in decline over the past few years. Conventional wisdom suggested the declining economy would drive the crime rate to new highs, but that wisdom failed to consider that burglar’s need to make a living as well.
Police claim their increased patrols and vigilance has been the reason for the criminal downturn. Sgt. Billy Butterbuns was quoted at a local Dunkin’ Donuts as saying, “Those bums know we’re watchin’ em. Nobody pulls a job on my watch.” He then excused himself as it was his turn to park in the expressway turnaround and chat with the state road crew.
Despite police attempts to take the credit, the real cause turns out to be that NY residents simply no longer have anything left worth stealing. Career petty thief Bertrand Thumbwacker lamented, “Between the ridiculous taxes and the high unemployment, I often find I’m sneaking into houses for couch cushion change. I’ve got overhead too y’know, and I just can’t afford to be breaking and entering for a take that small.” He also said that many of his colleagues have pulled up stakes and moved to states where the pickings are better.
State Senator Marvin Porkbucket’s office promptly released a statement claiming that the NY Legislature’s inaction to resolve the state’s looming budget problem was an intentional strategy to convince the state’s burglar population to flee to neighboring states. He added that the governing body was vowing to stay out of session as long as it takes to drive the crime rate down to zero.
Respect Your Elders
June 2nd, 2010
Who’s Your Honey?
June 1st, 2010
Why can Flo get away with calling you “Honey” at Mel’s diner while Vera can’t? This question has gnawed at me for years as I’ve encountered a number of women, mostly in service positions such as waitresses, who freely toss about the term of endearment toward patrons.
For the most part, the women who use it do so casually, disarmingly, and endearingly. But every so often you find a woman who makes you uncomfortable when using it.
Years ago I worked at a facility where several of the women in the cafeteria tossed “Honey” about. However, one young girl who worked as a cashier never sounded right using the term. I thought at the time it was simply because she was so much younger than me, and that only women older than me could use it comfortably.
Then last week, a waitress at the local diner was calling us each Honey and it seemed perfectly natural. Yet when I stopped to think about it, she was probably my age. So maybe it’s really not an age thing. So what’s the deal?
I’m thinking now that it’s more of a motherly thing. The woman doesn’t need to remind you of your mother, she just has to conduct herself with that motherly demeanor. She’s there to serve and to help, but keep in mind you’re at her table, so mind your manners. You be nice and she’ll take good care of you. It’s almost more of an attitude or an air about the person. If she can pull that off, she can call you “Honey”.
Heck, if she can pull that off, she can call you anything because she instills that feeling you should sit up straight and say “Yes, Ma’am.” And somehow for me, that kind of makes the whole diner experience.
Hippo…
May 30th, 2010Do you have an eye for social injustice? Will you be in the Aspen area anytime soon? If so, you can sit on a hippo and be part of art.
No, I don’t get it either. But some so-called artists have constructed a hippo from straw and mud. They are looking for volunteers to sit atop the beast and read the newspaper. Every time you spot something in the news that strikes you as a social injustice, you are to let loose with a short blast on your whistle.
You are free to sign up for an hour for for a full day, or for every Monday until the ephemeral Hope Hippo melts back into the Earth from which it was created. They say they provide you a whistle, but no word on whether or not they provide newspapers.
It seems they borrowed this obviously inspired idea to call attention to your intolerance for injustice. Italy sported the first hippo back in 2005, and the Aspen Art Museum, fresh out of any good ideas, said, “What the hell?”
I guess this means you should feel free to build your own Hope Hippo. Personally, that seems like a lot of work. But I may spring for a new whistle and take to blowing it randomly while I read the paper on the deck.
My Son’s Immortal
May 29th, 2010
I thought he was just a slob, but apparently my son Doug has exceptional instincts about his health. A Kingston University study discovered that leaving your bed in a heap of sheets and blankets may actually lead to fewer bed bugs, and a healthier sleeper.
It seems the dust mites don’t fare well in dry environments, and leaving your bed open serves to let more of the moisture it accumulates off your body during the night into the room. Drier mattresses mean fewer critters. And fewer critters mean fewer allergies and other mite related health issues.
The study also notes that if there’s a lot of humidity in your home, that it won’t really matter. Living in this area, I think that means that while junior may get a pass on bed making during the winter, there’s no reason the bunk shouldn’t be crisp and neat through the sultry summer months.
Yeah right… like that’s gonna happen.
Un-Convent-ional Nuns
May 27th, 2010
The opening line of the article says it all:
A group of nuns have set up a massage service as a new way of making ends meet after their chicken breeding business fell flat.
No wait! I take that back. I still have questions. Why were Austrian nuns breeding chickens in the first place? Isn’t that an odd business for a group of celibate hens to run? And wasn’t it doomed to fail?
As a fall back position the women try a second pseudo sex related business? Is this a theme? Does the town already have a glut of bakeries or elder care facilities?
On the plus side, I’ve finally found a massage parlor I can frequent without arousing Kim’s suspicion.
Angling for Trouble
May 26th, 2010A high school teacher has been suspended in Alabama for using the assassination of President Obama as a math problem. It seems Geometry teacher Gregory Harrison of Corner High School in Jefferson Country needed some example of using angles and lines to keep his students engaged in the subject. So he decided to create a scenario where students had to find optimal sniper positions for shooting the President. And not just generically “the President”, as in suppose you were John Wilkes Booth or Charlie Guiteau, but let’s all pretend to shoot Obama. Won’t that be fun?
It’s hard to see what could go wrong here. Although when the Secret Service interrogated Mr. Harrison, they did their doggone best to ‘splain it to him. The Secret Service did ultimately find that Harrison was not a credible threat, although they presumably at least branded him a colossal twit. The school district was also not amused and further disciplinary action is still pending.
Fortunately, the teacher wasn’t talking about shooting Rush Limbaugh, or by now there would be a bill being introduced in Congress to require a license to carry a math degree.
That’s Gotta Frost Your Nuggets
May 22nd, 2010Retiree Jack Harris spent the last seven years working to complete a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle… only to discover he’s missing the final piece.
Adding insult to injury, the company that makes the puzzle says this one is out of production and so it can’t supply a replacement.
There’s a lesson in here somewhere. It might be to stick to crosswords.
Father’s Day Is Coming
May 21st, 2010
And nothing says, “You’re the greatest!” like a planned coronary. So don’t delay. Enter now to win your dad $5000 and a year’s supply of bacon, courtesy of Oscar Meyer.
And when I say “your dad” I’m speaking not only generally to the readers, but specifically to my kids. Come on, entry is through Facebook and only involves writing a 50 word statement about why I deserve this and why I love bacon. This is barely a typical homework assignment. And besides, you know I never eat bacon alone, so there’s an upside for you too.
After all, as the entry page says,
Like bacon at breakfast, Dads are an essential ingredient of the family.
Meaning we are something to look forward to, multi-purpose, irresistible, crunchy, possessing a bit to much fat around the edges, flammable, and ultimately a bad influence on you. Okay, maybe I should have quit while I was ahead. But you get the idea! Now get moving!
Squirrelmegeddon
May 18th, 2010
There are members of my family who seem to have it in for the poor squirrel. They go to extraordinary measures to deprive them of food or otherwise discourage them from taking up residence in the yard.
One such fellow operates his own Squirrel Relocation Program whereby squirrels are trapped, given new identities, and transported to a new home where they are expected to blend with their new neighbors and keep a low profile for fear of being seen returning to their old haunt.
Other family members have a more direct approach, combining target practice with the squirrel relocation efforts.
Personally, I don’t get it. My approach with nature has always been that as long as it’s outside, it’s free to be. Once it steps into the house, all bets are off. But then again, that was before I got wind of the family in Strongsville, Ohio who called police because a squirrel had trapped them in their house.
The squirrel was desperate to get in the house, according to the residents. The squirrel kept jumping at the garage door and would run at the residents any time they opened a door.
There’s no report on whether or not the attack was provoked. Had the squirrel’s family members been slowing disappearing one by one until the poor despondent rodent simply couldn’t take it any more and snapped?
Clearly, the lesson here is to not piss off the little guys or they will unleash a 6oz can of furred fury on your butt. And if you think the neighbors talk about you now, wait until you and the family have to be rescued by police from an angry squirrel.