Time to Let Go of the Bone

Okay, it looks like I have to let go of my Palin baby conspiracy theories. Bristol popped out a 7#/7oz boy named Tripp just two days after Christmas. It would be hard to argue that the kid was not full term and for Bristol to be Trig’s mom as well, Tripp would have been at least 5 weeks early. At 7 pounds, that’s unlikely.

Still, while I’m sure Tripp and his Uncle Trig will have fun at pre-school together, given what we’ve seen of this family it’s not clear we should celebrate the fact that they are reproducing. And what’s with the preternatural disposition for oddball names anyway?


Keep Your Eye on the Ball

The latest incarnation of the famous Times Square crystal ball goes off (or down) tonight. This version is a 12 foot geodesic sphere, which is apparently twice the size of previous years, and it weighs in at just under 6 tons. Oh sure, it’s still covered with Waterford Crystals (some 2,668 of them), but it’s also sporting LED lights this year that are capable of displaying over 16 million colors. But don’t worry, since the ball is only on TV for about a minute, you won’t see most of them.


The Year in Review

Speaking of lazy, at one time I used to write my own year-in-review piece, but that was a lot of work, and it was never as funny as Dave Barry’s anyway. So you should read his.
Key excerpt:

Meanwhile John McCain, still searching for the perfect running mate, tells his top aides in a conference call that he wants ”someone who is capable of filling my shoes.” Unfortunately, he is speaking into the wrong end of his cellular phone, and his aides think he said ”someone who is capable of killing a moose.” Shortly thereafter McCain stuns the world, and possibly himself, by selecting Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, a no-nonsense hockey mom with roughly 114 children named after random nouns such as “Hamper.”


Ingenuity

Not to be out done in the laziness department, a Massachusetts man set fire to his house while he was trying to melt ice off his porch with a blow torch. Who could have possibly seen that coming? There is no mention of whether or not he’s married, but I’m hoping not, because if he is, he’ll never hear the end of this. And to think. If only he’d been trying to thaw out the propane grill, he might have qualified for a Darwin Award. Maybe next year…


It’s All in the Rationalization

Laziness is underrated. On the morning of Christmas Eve I was on the way to pick my son up from practice. The weather was rapidly warming, and the roads and driveways that hadn’t previously been scraped were rapidly turning into a slushy mess. I passed a half-dozen guys toiling in their driveways, heaving the soup into their snowy lawns. And then I passed a rather square gentleman who had to weigh in at a good 400 lbs. He was walking up and down his driveway, ankle deep in slush, sprinkling salt from a big bag as if he were feeding chickens. It’s not clear he was having much of an impact on the driveway as it was already over 40 degrees out, but I’m sure he went back in and plopped his butt on his (steel reinforced) couch with the same sense of accomplishment and satisfaction as the guys with the shovels.